Imagine

As a parent it irks me that people seem to feel that even though Shealin was adopted at a young age, she can't possibly remember any of her time in the orphanage or anything that happened to her while she was there. I believe that she can. At 4 years of age my daughter is finally starting to emerge. I believe she is finally realizing that we are a family and this is her house and the toys are her toys. It has been a long journey to get to this point, each hug and kiss, each set of tears has been one small step in this journey. I love this beautiful little girl more than anything, and I can't imagine life without her. So to anyone who thinks she could not possibly remember, I ask you to just let yourself go for a minute and imagine what it was like.

Imagine being safe and warm cushioned in your mother's womb, you feel secure and content. Imagine being born feeling scared, hungry and cold oh so cold. Imagine being held for a short time and suddenly being wrapped in a blanket and placed in a basket and left at the bank. Imagine crying for what seemed like hours until someone noticed you were there. Where is my mommy? I'm so hungry! Imagine living in a place with lots of other babies all needing attention and never getting enough, but what you get you hold onto like it was the last time you will ever get it. Imagine being taken from your crib in the middle of the night. Imagine being taken from everything and everyone you know. Imagine the chaos of it, the screaming staff and crying babies. Imagine a nine hour bus ride, with strangers. Imagine a new crib shoved to the corner. Where are all of my friends? Imagine starting to get used to your new crib and caretakers. You start to think this place is not so bad. Then imagine one day being loaded into a van and taking a very long ride. When the ride is over imagine being handed to a very large stranger with tears in her eyes, in a room full of strangers all talking a strange language. Imagine all of this in your lifetime and yet you are only a year old. How would you react? How would you be? Imagine spending 3 months with this new lady, she keeps calling herself mama. Imagine one day she drops you off at daycare. All day you wonder is this my new home? Where is that lady? Imagine how happy you are when she comes back to pick you up. Imagine starting to feel safe again in your routine, only to become sick and wind up in the hospital. Imagine during this whole time you can't see really well, but you can't talk yet to let anyone know. Imagine being walked to the operating room and being put on the table by the one person you have come to trust. Imagine waking up in pain and she is not there to comfort you until finally they place you in her arms. Can you imagine always feeling on edge? Always waiting to see if something was going to change your world? Imagine growing up that way.
I was unprepared to lose my heart to this little imp! Our time in China was easy. She slept 80 percent of the trip. All of the other parents told me that I got the easy baby. I was worried. My daughter was hurting. She was dealing with it the only way she could. Little did she know that soon enough she would have to deal with this mama, and little did I know just how stubborn and persistent she can be. Each day brings us closer and thank God for his infinite wisdom for putting us together.